Amidst transient tranquil bliss, I think of you,
I am incomplete, I do not belong....
When as kids, we were growing strong and tall,
Disillusioned you were stealing my soul.
You bloomed like a rose,
But the garden was not mine,
I was your tears, dying on your lips,
An opened lock, with a half hanging key.
They came and put wreathes that morning,
My mom held a candle, my dad my coffin,
I knew I was incomplete, I did not belong,
I came here on my love's battered wing.
Baby I so want to hold you up on high,
Like a star in my love's cloudy night sky.
Distances were never nigh,
Fear forlorn slowly slips by,
Never before did I say, never did I try,
I loved you with a love hopelessly dry,
I love you with a love worth a try.
Life is a dance,
You can do a bunk,
Grip my being,
Cradle our unsaid love,
Oh, you know its true,
You for me and me for you!!
Amidst this tranquil bliss, I think of you,
I am incomplete, I do not belong,
This paradise feels lost, my wait goes on,
The flames ember on...........................
C-R-I-T-I-C-I-S-M is what is expected in this rectangular white box! Should a passer-by drop down a comment to criticize this obligatory system for all blogs per se ? Weird it seems to me, as some expression of though of certain individuals are barred from the usual matrix of "usual" thought process. Heart felt emotion seems to have no criticism... on the contrary it encompasses genuine appreciation. " I love you with a love hopelessly dry... I love you with a love worth a try" . Beautiful expression close to all hearts ..as all individuals experiences similar things in different ways. Loved it! And hope against all hopeS that the person in your mind comprehends n reciprocates in similar ways. "GOD BLESS "BOY.:)
ReplyDeleteA good piece of writing is something that comes from an individual's feelings....this is a good piece ....and cud also be said as exceptional by some.....but to be honest it didnt touch my heart.
ReplyDeleteyour poem holds the serenity and calmness of cool breeze and at the same time has an edge of seclusion and yearning for a beloved one. It reminds me melancholy of the incomplete and unexpressed love. A good amalgam of vivid heart touching expressions. keep it up.
ReplyDeleteSimple Beautiful..simply beautiful :)
ReplyDeletestarts of as a poem, then seems almost like a song, read it twice, made no sense, cliff notes de naa be :P
ReplyDelete@ishani; thnx a tonne! dat was kind of you!
ReplyDelete@sushree: dat was honest! thnx a tonne ! hope you like some of the others!
@anon 1: ur comment was poetry in itself! thnx! cheers!
@anon 2: thnx a lot..hope you visit agn....
@xeon: its a song....d first four lines are more along the lines of a recital....den d intro.....a solo here(a bass one).......den d bridge....den comes d mood change......den d end giving way 2 a roaring guitar solo wid heavy bass lines........